I finally have the Brave browser installed, set up, and set as my default browser now with all my old stuff from Iron and Waterfox imported into it.  Also have the cryptowallet set up and verified with my WordPress blog and my YouTube and Twitch channels verified.

I’m not expecting to see any financial gain from it, but eh, can’t hurt.

truthseeker08 / Pixabay

We are deaf and disabled and needing charity.

When it comes us deafies, we often don’t like to be considered disabled or in need of charity, but the truth of the matter is, we are disabled and we often do rely on the charity of others, and charitable organizations.  It’s not so much that we need a hand out, but a leg up in society as often times we find it exceptionally difficult to find work, or if we do find work we find it difficult to get promoted and get raises and the like.

Deaf and Seeking Employment

I’ve had a recent experience with trying to find employment, having asked first hand with the management if they are willing to employ those with a hearing disability.  The management typically respond with the usual “Oh yes we hire people with disabilities”.  Then it comes down to brass tax of actually hiring someone with a hearing disability and suddenly places that are hurting for employees somehow magically no longer have any positions that need filled.  Amazing.

It’s times like that, when I’m actively seeking employment once again in my life because having a little extra money each month could and would definitely help me out, not just out of a sense of self fulfillment but also the financial gain of being employed.  Hell I’d be willing to lose my disability benefits if I could find a job that would employ me steadily full time and give me raises for good performance, and possibly promotions too, that would be nice too.

But alas, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Arbys, Checkers, Burger King, and numerous other places that I could mention within the last couple of months, have suddenly no longer needed any new employees the moment I showed up for an interview at a place that “hires the disabled”.  Even more fishy when after my interview a friend of mine tried getting on at McDonalds a couple days later (literally), got interviewed and ended up starting next week on Monday.  Amazing, they didn’t need help when I was interviewed but then needed help a couple days afterwards afterall.  I smell a lot of fish in this case.

mcdonalds fries
Pexels / Pixabay

The Discrimination Conundrum

Seriously, what gives man?  Is my hearing disability so drastic, even though I can clearly lip read well enough to hold a one on one conversation during an interview that I simply cannot be employed?  I really do want and need that extra little bit to help me out, both mentally for my own well being and financially to have that little extra spending cash.  I’m not some teenager only getting a job because his/her parents are forcing them to and they begrudgingly go to work or face the wrath of their parents.  Quite the opposite, I’m a full grown adult eager to be employed.  I really do want to work, honestly I do.

It’s issues with finding work like that which cause me to think maybe I should give up seeking employment yet again.  Yup, this isn’t my first round in seeking employment.  It’s excessively difficult to get a job.  I’m up front and honest about my hearing disability, informing them that I’m deaf, reason being is I don’t want it to become a surprise after I’m hired on, but that seems to be the only way to get a job is to hide my disability, which I shouldn’t have to.

I’m not requesting an ASL interpreter to be with me at all times, just simple jobs I can take care of without having the need to hear people holler things out.  I can alter the way I work in order to be able to fulfill my job tasks without the need for extra communication and without assistance from others.  It just means I take even more steps to make sure everything is to order and not out of stock (like grilling burgers at a fast food joint) or paying extra attention to screens and the like for orders.

Deaf and Charity

So without being able to get employment, what am I to do?  I have to rely on my disability payments coming in and I have to rely on the charity of others.  I don’t like having to run off every Monday to a local food bank to get help with food.  But I do it so I can make my money stretch as much as I can.  I don’t like the fact that where I can I get free clothes from various local charities.

I would much rather spend a little extra on food products, I’d rather be able to afford fresh produce each week and I would definitely love to be able to afford to go vegetarian, but processed meats in various foods is cheaper than fresh food and the food bank gives several packages of meats and sweets and breads every week.  Beggers can’t be choosers.

deaf question
qimono / Pixabay

So the multi-billion dollar question is.  What do I do?  I could potentially do this thing where I run around selling misc crap to people out by selling them from their sympathy as is a common scam as mentioned by ATR on his blog about fake charity.  However I don’t mix well in public, and being a mainstreamed deaf, my ASL isn’t up to snuff.  I know it, but I’m not fluent in it and wouldn’t want to run the risk of being called a scammer when I’m not.  We have enough to deal with.

Do I throw out a paypal address and hope for the best, hoping that someone will have sympathy enough to donate the extra money to me?  Well that would end up making me feel worthless, which I already feel using food banks and doesn’t give me self fulfillment.  Though that is tempting, I highly doubt anyone would really open up their wallets to a rando on the internet.  I’m not big name personality and definitely don’t have the social pull to really get that kind of personal charity.

The Deaf Conclusion

So what I’m likely to do is to continue on with the status quo.  Continue going to food banks and local charities and keep receiving my social security payments.

What I want is a fucking job, but that seems out of the question, and my ethics in regards to hiding my disability feels too much like lying in order to get employed which is also something I don’t want to compromise on.

Thus, I will continue to be nothing more than a leech upon society.  I hate this about myself.

johnhain / Pixabay

It seems counter-intuitive or wasteful to see your doctor even when you’re not sick, or at least not feeling sick, however there are routine checkups and physicals that medical staff perform to make sure you’re not sick with something that you aren’t feeling symptoms of.  You might not even know you have lung cancer until they do an X-Ray of your chest.

Seeing your doctor regularly helps prevent you getting bad off and will help improve your overall health because you’re seeing the doctor for checkups to make sure your blood pressure, cholesterol, etc are all under control and making sure you have other areas of your health all peachy.

Just because you feel fine, doesn’t mean you are.  It’s also perfectly fine to talk to your PCP about your mental health, if you’re depressed, suicidal, seeing or hearing things that aren’t there, or letting them know you often forget things too easily, too easily distracted, etc.

Also tell your doctor about all medicines you’re taking, including all OTCs including yes even multivitamins, cold medicines, etc.  Also give your doctor the information about other professionals you see such as audiologists, ENT’s, surgeons, wound care, psychiatric, etc so they can get records from one another and help work together to make sure you have the best possible care and that they’re not giving you any medications that conflict negatively with one another.

And as I’ve mentioned before, keep a portfolio of everything.

geralt / Pixabay

I’m sorry to say it to the cultural deafs, as much as everyone around me knowing sign language would make it far easier on me to communicate with people in my daily life, being involved myself in cultures that are mainstreamed in the larger hearing communities, I can’t simply expect everyone around me for 50 sq miles to learn to sign.  It’s not practical, feasible nor is it reasonable.

Learning to sign is literally learning a whole new language.  Besides, most people that are going to learn a second language in America are going to learn a language that they will far more likely to run into far more regularly than a signing deaf person.  Here in America that second language would be Spanish.

I know the argument, and I’ve chimed it myself a few times.  “Not everyone will visit a foreign country, but anyone could go deaf” yeah yeah I know.  Yes, it’s true, anyone could literally go deaf for a multitude of reasons, including even a firework accident with a firecracker exploding too close to the ears (not kidding, that’s happened).

However, most people from hearing cultures would result in working towards correcting their hearing.  They would fight tooth and nail to restore their hearing in some size, shape or form, even if that’s a cheap option like getting hearing amplifiers from Britzgo to aid in it.

Even a small minority of the deaf population actually sign with estimates towards 80% of the deaf population not even knowing how to sign in the first place.  Rather these majority deafs rely on what residual hearing they have and listening devices (including cochlear implants) and lip reading.

Like myself, I rely on hearing amplifiers and lip reading for the majority of my conversations, regardless of my ability to sign.  Know how rare it is for me to actually sign?  Maybe once or twice per year at best.  That’s how rare it is for me to use as a deaf person.

“But what about phone calls?  Don’t you use a video call to a relay operator?”

I did at one point in time, and by one point in time I mean for like 4 different calls.  The relay operator kept getting hung up on and it didn’t matter if I was ordering a pizza for delivery, calling a government office like Social Security or even checking store hours for a local store, they think I’m a telemarketer.  So instead what do I do?  I rely on an app called InnoCaption for the deaf and hard of hearing on my Android phone, gives me a special number they call and everything.  Someone listens in that’s a professional stenography and I simply speak in return after reading what the other party says.  So no signing required.

“But what about deafs who can’t talk?”

You mean deafs that choose not to talk?

“They can’t talk because they were born deaf!”

Many audiologists consider “profoundly hard of hearing” and “mild deaf” to be the same thing, others don’t so that’s debatable whether I was born deaf or hard of hearing depending largely on the audiologist.  I speak and I speak exceptionally well.

I also know several people who were born profoundly deaf, never heard a single sound in their entire life, and they can vocalize and speak.

I suppose the real difference is whether or not we were abused as children.  Those of us who were mainstreamed or homeschooled and went through speech therapy and taught English with some supplemental signing to assist us in language development in our early years grew up into adults who were able to speak.  Then there are those of us who were abused as a child by parents who sent us to deaf schools where they valued not speaking at all and thusly never ended up developing crucial spoken language skills and additionally stunting their educational attainment.

The only people I know of who are profoundly deaf and can’t speak all have “deaf school” upbringing while those who were born profoundly deaf that were homeschooled or mainstreamed in public education with speech therapy and supplemental signing for language development ended up being able to speak.

Want to know what would really benefit?  Not draining funding from other programs into little clubs for you and other Cultural Deafies to just have a place to gather once or twice a week for social get togethers and allow that funding to be used for things that are actually beneficial.  You know, for things like hearing aids, cochlear implants, audiologist visits for those who need help getting it due to insurance issues, as well as literacy classes, speech therapy, things like that.  THAT would actually be helpful.

These little gathering social meetup club things you guys try to drain as much resources into as you can isn’t helping anyone but stroking your own egos and you’re damaging the deaf community at large because of your selfishness and your isolationism.

It would also help greatly if you stop spreading lies and misinformation about us to people and actively perpetuating them.  I’m actually sick and tired of having to explain to people that the majority of deaf people actually do speak and that the “deaf people can’t speak” bit is a myth.  I’m also excessively tired of having to explain to people that “not all deaf people sign, most of us don’t” and yes I’m also excruciatingly tired of having to tell someone that “no this or that or the other thing isn’t offensive” because they were informed by another deaf person through a terp that it’s offensive to us.

I hate that people walk on eggshells when they learn I’m deaf because they’re afraid of all these little misc crap listicles that you guys have made about how hearing people need to do this, hearing people need to do that, hearing people need to remember this and that and hearing people need to provide us with blah.  And that’s provided they’ve seen those videos which, let’s face it, some have and it’s scared them enough that they actually want little to nothing to do with us.

I’ve had one person who’s seen one of these videos tell me that it’s offensive to write things down for a deaf person and my first thought was “Where the hell did you get that from?” and he said it came from a YouTube video shared on Facebook about communicating with the deaf.  I told him “No, it’s not offensive, it’s a really good idea and very thoughtful.” and I had to end up telling him about how deaf culture is a cancerous tumor that needs excised.

Seriously I spend more time explaining where these bullshit things come from and why they’re bullshit than actually having conversations that I want to be having sometimes.  I inform someone “Hey, I’m deaf” because I want and need them to pay attention and to understand I have huge difficulties hearing them, usually because otherwise I get people creeped out by my creepy death stare, among other things like getting them to keep facing me when they speak.

But hey, if you think sign language will fix everything, fill both your hands with grocery bags and while you’re carrying them, tell me about your day.

I ran across a YouTube video of a deaf lady and she was upset.  Why was she upset?  Obviously the title of this entry gives it away clear as day, but depending on which side of the isle you’re on, you’ll see this obvious giveaway in one way or another.  This isle, of course, is the gender divide.  She initially started out by stating that she was talking with her best friend and named him, yes, a “him”.  The issue was is that she’d go on all these “Dating Sites” and she has to sort through so many messages from numerous men contacting her for either NSA hookup sex, to dates, to whatever and yet she systematically goes through each and every single guy and can’t find a guy she’s interested in because of her list of demands.  And it’s quite the extensive laundry list.

The guy for her must be the following.

  • Be good looking
  • Be over 6 feet tall
  • Like to travel
  • Know ASL fluently
  • Be Deaf or Deaf friendly (And yes she emphasized further on Deaf with a capital D for deaf culture)
  • Enjoy traveling and seeing the world
  • Enjoy fine dining
  • Be intelligent
  • Be a gentleman
  • Dress nice
  • Be romantic
  • Be a good dancer
  • Must make me laugh
  • Be handy around the home
  • Must own a car that doesn’t have any blemishes (she literally mentioned this)
  • Must own a house, no renters, no apartments, no duplexes
  • Must be spontaneous and adventurous

So aside from the fact that she has a guy that’s orbiting her and wanting to break himself off a piece, she looks through all these various men, including men that want to date rather than just a one off night of sex and systematically rejects every single solitary one of them due to her criteria.  Her laundry list of demands.

Here’s the list of what guys are generally looking for.

  • Be attractive (to me)
  • Be young (18+) (or my age)
  • Don’t be a pain in my ass
Total Recall
Most guys don’t know where to begin.

Guys don’t generally care if you own a car, own your own house, don’t care if you can dance, don’t care if you’re like Albert Einstein with breasts, hell most guys even overlook the fact that you have a very pronounced deaf accent.  Heck I even know dudes who don’t have a problem of a gal has a third boob or happens to be missing one being either normal, the chick from Total Recall or the chick from Kung Pow.

Kung pow one boob lady
Most guys would still date her regardless.

The problem is this deaf gal has her standards set extraordinarily high for someone that lives off Social Security Disability in a small studio apartment.  So how likely is it that she’ll become a deaf spinster?  Let’s go through her own criteria and destroy it.

The first set was “Be good looking” or in other words, be attractive towards her.  First let’s look at how men view women in regards to attractiveness.

Men, in general, view most women to be about average at worst with ugly and super hot being a minority.

Now let’s look at how women view men in regards to attractiveness.

Clearly women, in general, find most men not even average, but rather, unattractive with a small minority being even medium to smoking hot.

So assuming she’s looking for someone that’s at least medium on the lower end of the medium side, we’re looking at roughly 15% of the total human population remaining in her dating pool.

Now she wants someone that’s over 6 feet tall.  Thats 14.5%, and it’s not safe to assume that all the 15% of being in the attractive range for her is a part of this figure, we’ll get to that.

So she wants also someone that likes to travel, enjoys fine dining, being romantic, owning a nice car and a nice house with more rooms than she currently needs herself on top of being able to just go out and do something on a whim.  This is someone with a lot of money.

So with most women finding Fortune 500 CEO’s as only being 22% o them attractive, and only 58% of all those CEO’s being over 6 feet in height, and taking into account the statistics on wealthy people who are capable of these requirements overall, she’s looking at roughly 1.4% of the entire male population.

BUT remember, the guy must be fluent in ASL, remember?  That 1.4% of the male population shrinks dramatically to 0.013% of the male population.

So you want to know where all the good men are?  It’s simple mathematics.  Your problem isn’t men, your problem is you and your demands.  You have unrealistic expectations.  You’re not even chasing after the top 1%, let alone the top 5%.  You’re chasing after the top 0.013% and these guys can practically bag themselves any woman they want.  Hell these guys most likely even have celebrities over for a game of poker every Friday evening and have the ability to hire strippers to dance on the tables while they play and smoke fine cigars.  These guys are rich enough the cops knock on their door and go “Oh, it’s just you, sorry to bother you” and step over the bloody corpse of a freshly murdered hobo as they get back in their cars and drive off.

Your expectations of men are highly unrealistic and you should do some introspection on yourself to realize it’s not men that’s the problem, it’s you and you alone.  And likewise, if you don’t change your expectations and settle like men have had to settle throughout history, you’re seriously going to wind up by yourself, alone, probably with cats.

Let me help you with your list.

  • ……

Seriously, just tell that best friend of yours that you mentioned earlier that you like him, give him a kiss and tell him you’d like to go out.  You’ll be much happier.

In fact, I’m going to let someone that used to be a dude that transitioned into being a chick tell you like it is after she ran into a similar article online.  I have it figured you, most men have it figured out, and this woman also has it figured out, so seriously WTF is wrong with you?  I think what you really need to ask yourself is.  What are you bringing to the relationship other than your problems, your debts and your vagina?  Anything of substance?